Ok I don't care anymore! How many people really read this thing, anyway? It's more a semi-public journal than anything. I've never been a private person - I could care less if anyone even DID get a hold of my diaries and read them.
So why do I have such a problem sharing how I feel lately? I used to be the worst - just ask Jaime. I would share TOO much. But now I just do what I can, send "hints" and expect certain ppl (particularly men) to understand the underlying meaning in what I say. Come on, Michelle - you know better than that!
So anyway, we'll call him Adam (obviously NOT his real name). I haven't felt this way in years. The last time was with Miguel...and, well, I'm still afraid of being hurt. Can I possibly put myself out there again? Just by sharing my feelings scares me to death.
Adam is the most awesome guy. Ok, maybe by just saying THAT I'm giving it away - although it sounds generalized - he'd read it and understand exactly WHO I was talking about. But he IS. I've never met someone so, I mean, WOW. And I'm not even talking about how good-looking he is. And how sweet he is. And how respectful he is. And how smart, how talented, how humble, how he makes me laugh....it's how he makes me feel about myself. Just his friendship is more than enough - he amazes me and makes me feel like the worthy Daughter of God that I know deep down I must be, but that knowledge slipped away from me years ago in a time of pain. I'm trying to regain it.
I have known few people who have souls (spirits) that have truly been extraordinary. And I mean WOW - he is exactly that. I noticed it in Miguel...but Miguel, as much as I care for him, doesn't want to see that greatness in himself. Miguel has so much potential that he refuses to reach...but Adam, well, Adam already has reached a part of his greatness, and he knows who he is. He's assured in his self-worth, and wants to do God's will. To me, this is one of the most attractive things about him, about any man. If any man ever wants to know the way to my heart, it is this: please feed your spirits. Reach out for greatness - understand your potential and your great worth. You are Sons of God. Magnify your callings here in Earth - serve others, love others, and be humble. And most of all, be willing to help me realize this myself.
To me, THAT makes a man.
Aug 27, 2000
Aug 25, 2000
Ok, it's been awhile since I've written anything. I have been soo busy, it's not even funny! And school is starting in a little over a week, sooooo -anyway.
Wednesday I went to Great America - finally got to ride Raging Bull! It was fantastic - what a smooth ride! Too bad we went on it first, though - because the rest of the roller coasters were so bumpy and rough. We were spoiled off the bat.
It was great - I went with Joe, Shane, Kim, and then we also invited Heidi and Alice along. It was really fun getting to know Heidi and Alice better. I think we all had a blast - and that is what counts! We then went over to Joe's house in Racine (his family's) and I finally got to meet his sisters. It's been 8 years since I've been to that house, but it was cool seeing it, and recognizing it, and recognizing his dog and his mother:) His parents ordered us pizza (for us poor, starving, college students) and we sat on the porch and had a lot of fun. I don't think any of us wanted to return to Madison to work the next day!
Things are definitely better than they were at the beginning of the summer. I have a whole different set of friends now, but there's so many of them - it's great!
We officially gave our "fourth" roommate a key a week ago. Jeff now has a key to our apartment - hehe! That way we don't have to buzz him up every time he comes over:) He brought Trooper over yesterday and Jeff, Laura and I went for a long walk around the neighborhood. That felt good! I haven't done that in awhile. Jeff keeps offering to take me (or anyone else) skydiving. I so REALLY want to go, but it will cost me $165. I know I could come up with that after I get my financial aid check, but I have to pay some bills, plus I want to buy a CD player for my car and get a CD-RW for my computer. Soooo, that will have to wait. But I will DEFINITELY do it one of these days!
Well, I better get back to work. Busy Friday - lots of requests to handle and get processed so ppl can get to their web courses. I'll touch base later.
Wednesday I went to Great America - finally got to ride Raging Bull! It was fantastic - what a smooth ride! Too bad we went on it first, though - because the rest of the roller coasters were so bumpy and rough. We were spoiled off the bat.
It was great - I went with Joe, Shane, Kim, and then we also invited Heidi and Alice along. It was really fun getting to know Heidi and Alice better. I think we all had a blast - and that is what counts! We then went over to Joe's house in Racine (his family's) and I finally got to meet his sisters. It's been 8 years since I've been to that house, but it was cool seeing it, and recognizing it, and recognizing his dog and his mother:) His parents ordered us pizza (for us poor, starving, college students) and we sat on the porch and had a lot of fun. I don't think any of us wanted to return to Madison to work the next day!
Things are definitely better than they were at the beginning of the summer. I have a whole different set of friends now, but there's so many of them - it's great!
We officially gave our "fourth" roommate a key a week ago. Jeff now has a key to our apartment - hehe! That way we don't have to buzz him up every time he comes over:) He brought Trooper over yesterday and Jeff, Laura and I went for a long walk around the neighborhood. That felt good! I haven't done that in awhile. Jeff keeps offering to take me (or anyone else) skydiving. I so REALLY want to go, but it will cost me $165. I know I could come up with that after I get my financial aid check, but I have to pay some bills, plus I want to buy a CD player for my car and get a CD-RW for my computer. Soooo, that will have to wait. But I will DEFINITELY do it one of these days!
Well, I better get back to work. Busy Friday - lots of requests to handle and get processed so ppl can get to their web courses. I'll touch base later.
Aug 14, 2000
Aug 8, 2000
Jul 31, 2000
Jul 27, 2000
MY INTERNET BUMPER STICKER OF THE DAY:
Doesn't that sum it up nicely? I don't know how many times in my life I have said that, but it has to be over a million. It's such a nice catch-phrase - quite a useful one, actually. Whenever I want to stop talking, or end an argument, I simply say, "Whatever". Of course the term implies my impatience with whomever I am talking to, and my desire to inforce my stand yet not to listen to whatever the other person has to say. Quite immature incidentally, but hey - who cares? Who says I ALWAYS have to act 24 years old?
Well it's Thursday, and I'm at work (as usual). My brother is supposedly down in Portage but he hasn't called us. I AM GOING TO KILL HIM! :)
Doesn't that sum it up nicely? I don't know how many times in my life I have said that, but it has to be over a million. It's such a nice catch-phrase - quite a useful one, actually. Whenever I want to stop talking, or end an argument, I simply say, "Whatever". Of course the term implies my impatience with whomever I am talking to, and my desire to inforce my stand yet not to listen to whatever the other person has to say. Quite immature incidentally, but hey - who cares? Who says I ALWAYS have to act 24 years old?
Well it's Thursday, and I'm at work (as usual). My brother is supposedly down in Portage but he hasn't called us. I AM GOING TO KILL HIM! :)
Jul 23, 2000
Well! It's Sunday, and I'm tired! We got back from Nauvoo last night around midnight. Good thing the ride back only took 5 hours, because on the way there it took us 8! We of course got lost (didn't we, guys?):)
Then on Saturday, after only 4-5 hours of sleep, we went walking around Nauvoo. After lunch we were ready to head out to Carthage, and alas - I find that my keys are NOT in my backpack! I searched all the places I went for them, but did not find them. Then I figured that they must have been in the trunk.
After two hours I finally got my keys. Brother Christensen talked to an Elder and he called someone else who brought his tools. He couldn't open the trunk, but he opened the car. I couldn't get into my trunk, though, without my key in the ignition! Luckily Jeff suggested sending some kind of electric pulse to trigger the button to pop open the trunk. It worked!
We finally got to Carthage, and then left for home around 6 pm. I think we were all exhausted.
Well, I don't have too much to say. They changed the Ward boundaries this week, and I'm not happy about the outcome. I mean, they didn't change the boundaries where I live - I was always supposed to be part of the 2nd ward, but I was going to the 1st ward. And that's where I'm going to continue to go. But they split up campus! Everything north of Regent Street is now the 3rd ward - they completely sent most of the students to 3rd ward, while the middle area of Madison (including everything south of Regent) will continue going to the 1st ward. I don't like this at all....for the YSA's, specifically the students, we are our own family. I just think it's very unfair. I hope they don't start making me go to the 2nd ward now, because they didn't before. I just want to go where I'm comfortable. It took me long enough as it is to get to this point, and I sure don't want to go through that again.
Well, I better get going. I don't want to do too much complaining. I'll write more later. If anyone has any additional comments or just wants to vent a bit about this thing (that is if it affects you) just post it. It would be nice to know I'm not the only one.
Then on Saturday, after only 4-5 hours of sleep, we went walking around Nauvoo. After lunch we were ready to head out to Carthage, and alas - I find that my keys are NOT in my backpack! I searched all the places I went for them, but did not find them. Then I figured that they must have been in the trunk.
After two hours I finally got my keys. Brother Christensen talked to an Elder and he called someone else who brought his tools. He couldn't open the trunk, but he opened the car. I couldn't get into my trunk, though, without my key in the ignition! Luckily Jeff suggested sending some kind of electric pulse to trigger the button to pop open the trunk. It worked!
We finally got to Carthage, and then left for home around 6 pm. I think we were all exhausted.
Well, I don't have too much to say. They changed the Ward boundaries this week, and I'm not happy about the outcome. I mean, they didn't change the boundaries where I live - I was always supposed to be part of the 2nd ward, but I was going to the 1st ward. And that's where I'm going to continue to go. But they split up campus! Everything north of Regent Street is now the 3rd ward - they completely sent most of the students to 3rd ward, while the middle area of Madison (including everything south of Regent) will continue going to the 1st ward. I don't like this at all....for the YSA's, specifically the students, we are our own family. I just think it's very unfair. I hope they don't start making me go to the 2nd ward now, because they didn't before. I just want to go where I'm comfortable. It took me long enough as it is to get to this point, and I sure don't want to go through that again.
Well, I better get going. I don't want to do too much complaining. I'll write more later. If anyone has any additional comments or just wants to vent a bit about this thing (that is if it affects you) just post it. It would be nice to know I'm not the only one.
Jul 21, 2000
Well, not much time here. I won't be able to post much until tomorrow or Sunday. Anyway, it's 3:23 pm, and in a few minutes I have to leave work and head over to the institute. Then we're carpooling to Nauvoo.
I'm worried about my car - I hope it will be ok, but there really isn't much else to do. We have one extra person, so we have to take two cars. I just wish more people would come - that way there's more help with gas and more reason to use my car (not so much a waste).
Anyway, better go. Ciao!
I'm worried about my car - I hope it will be ok, but there really isn't much else to do. We have one extra person, so we have to take two cars. I just wish more people would come - that way there's more help with gas and more reason to use my car (not so much a waste).
Anyway, better go. Ciao!
INTERNET BUMPER STICKER OF THE DAY
You betcha! Sometimes I wonder how much money corporations (especially Microsoft) made during that whole Y2K bug HOAX.
Anyway, It's 1:10 AM (again I'm not in bed) and I just finished working on another website. I'm going to post here the URL's for these websites, in case anyone (especially potential hirers) would like to see my work.
Konkapot Lodge
Metro Brokers - John Valenza Real Estate Services
Raven Development and Management (currently in progress)
LDSSA - University of Wisconsin - Madison
My Personal Website (always under construction!
And more to come! Anyway, that's a start! There are other sites I've managed, done some work on, etc. but I'm not going to list them. And as for the LDSSA site - I took one that was already developed and tweaked it a bit - I'm not sure who originally designed it but they did a wonderful job!
I better get to bed, it's late:) Long drive tomorrow (looks like I'll be driving my car after all). ¡Buenas Noches!
You betcha! Sometimes I wonder how much money corporations (especially Microsoft) made during that whole Y2K bug HOAX.
Anyway, It's 1:10 AM (again I'm not in bed) and I just finished working on another website. I'm going to post here the URL's for these websites, in case anyone (especially potential hirers) would like to see my work.
Konkapot Lodge
Metro Brokers - John Valenza Real Estate Services
Raven Development and Management (currently in progress)
LDSSA - University of Wisconsin - Madison
My Personal Website (always under construction!
And more to come! Anyway, that's a start! There are other sites I've managed, done some work on, etc. but I'm not going to list them. And as for the LDSSA site - I took one that was already developed and tweaked it a bit - I'm not sure who originally designed it but they did a wonderful job!
I better get to bed, it's late:) Long drive tomorrow (looks like I'll be driving my car after all). ¡Buenas Noches!
Jul 20, 2000
My Mac is faster!!! I'm so happy - my mother was given free used RAM, and offered to install it on my iMac, which only had 32MB of RAM. And man it was slow! I got so impatient waiting for Dreamweaver to churn through the processing. My mother was told it was another 32MB, but it really was 64MB! Which is totally awesome...now I'm up to 96MB - and I didn't have to pay a cent!
Last night was awesome at Institute - I met a girl from Spain, Gemma, and it was so nice hearing that familiar accent and speaking "my" kind of Spanish. The class was awesome as well...it was about how we feel the Spirit in many different ways, and I sure was feeling it DURING the class. Brother Christensen even read the article I wrote that was published in the NEW ERA in 1997 - to read it goto: What I Was Searching For.
Nauvoo trip tomorrow! Yeah! It should be great....it's been years since I've been there:):)
Well, better get back to work. Write more later!
Last night was awesome at Institute - I met a girl from Spain, Gemma, and it was so nice hearing that familiar accent and speaking "my" kind of Spanish. The class was awesome as well...it was about how we feel the Spirit in many different ways, and I sure was feeling it DURING the class. Brother Christensen even read the article I wrote that was published in the NEW ERA in 1997 - to read it goto: What I Was Searching For.
Nauvoo trip tomorrow! Yeah! It should be great....it's been years since I've been there:):)
Well, better get back to work. Write more later!
Jul 19, 2000
Jul 18, 2000
I miss my cats!
Ok, so they are bigger than this now. How big, however, I will never know. I haven't seen them since April. I'm sure they've forgotten all about me. After all, they are just cats.
But Mikail and Micaela were a dear part of my life. I love them, I miss them, and I still cry when I think about how cruelly they were taken away from me. THIS IS WHY my mother never allowed us to have animals when we were young. Because their departure (be it death or the cruelty of a former friend) breaks your heart. I do not know whether I will allow pets in my household when I am a mother. I love them and what they say is true: Pets greatly reduce stress (and being a college student, that's an important thing!). Since my family moved in with my aunt in 1994, we finally had a pet - her dog, Cory. I refused to love that dog for many years....I did not want to become attached. But Cory is the sweetest, most obedient dog ever (he's a lhasa-poo) and since my return from Spain I have grown to love him as a member of my family.
And that is how I loved Mikail and Micaela. That is how I continue to love them. And that is why it hurts so much. Their departure hurts, but what hurts even more is the friend that I loved and trusted did this to me. Will I ever be able to forgive her? Christ would. I have to. But she tore at my heart terribly. It still bleeds. Will I ever be able to trust again? I pray in my heart that someday, somehow, I will.
Ok, so they are bigger than this now. How big, however, I will never know. I haven't seen them since April. I'm sure they've forgotten all about me. After all, they are just cats.
But Mikail and Micaela were a dear part of my life. I love them, I miss them, and I still cry when I think about how cruelly they were taken away from me. THIS IS WHY my mother never allowed us to have animals when we were young. Because their departure (be it death or the cruelty of a former friend) breaks your heart. I do not know whether I will allow pets in my household when I am a mother. I love them and what they say is true: Pets greatly reduce stress (and being a college student, that's an important thing!). Since my family moved in with my aunt in 1994, we finally had a pet - her dog, Cory. I refused to love that dog for many years....I did not want to become attached. But Cory is the sweetest, most obedient dog ever (he's a lhasa-poo) and since my return from Spain I have grown to love him as a member of my family.
And that is how I loved Mikail and Micaela. That is how I continue to love them. And that is why it hurts so much. Their departure hurts, but what hurts even more is the friend that I loved and trusted did this to me. Will I ever be able to forgive her? Christ would. I have to. But she tore at my heart terribly. It still bleeds. Will I ever be able to trust again? I pray in my heart that someday, somehow, I will.
When I was younger I liked to ponder the world, and those things that are incomprehensible to mankind (or, at least, me). I thought the following quote summed it up perfectly at the time:
If God is omnipotent, can he make a rock so heavy that he cannot lift it?
With the limitations that language offer us, and the restrictions of my feeble mind, I STILL have not come up with the answer to that.
If God is omnipotent, can he make a rock so heavy that he cannot lift it?
With the limitations that language offer us, and the restrictions of my feeble mind, I STILL have not come up with the answer to that.
Jul 17, 2000
My INTERNET BUMPER STICKER of the DAY:
Anyway, it's 11:39 p.m. and AGAIN I'M NOT IN BED! I just love this stuff! I mean, I see so many fantastic artists out there....the graphic design, page layout...everything...man, I really want to be able to be like that. I know I have a talent for it, but I'm still a "beginner".
Soooo, eventually I'll be there. ANYWAY, I think tomorrow I'll go searching for some cool photos to scan in and include here. Ones that won't incorporate into my site, but I want them included.
Bueno, ahora en español - solo quiero decir a todos mis amigos (que hablan español) que os quiero mucho y agradezco a Dios cada dÃa por la oportunidad de aprender este bello idioma para tener la suerte de conocer a cada uno de vosotros, y comunicarme con vosotros...porque si nunca habÃa aprendido español, nunca hubiera conocido a vosotros. OS QUIERO MUCHO Y QUE DIOS OS BENDIGA
Anyway, it's 11:39 p.m. and AGAIN I'M NOT IN BED! I just love this stuff! I mean, I see so many fantastic artists out there....the graphic design, page layout...everything...man, I really want to be able to be like that. I know I have a talent for it, but I'm still a "beginner".
Soooo, eventually I'll be there. ANYWAY, I think tomorrow I'll go searching for some cool photos to scan in and include here. Ones that won't incorporate into my site, but I want them included.
Bueno, ahora en español - solo quiero decir a todos mis amigos (que hablan español) que os quiero mucho y agradezco a Dios cada dÃa por la oportunidad de aprender este bello idioma para tener la suerte de conocer a cada uno de vosotros, y comunicarme con vosotros...porque si nunca habÃa aprendido español, nunca hubiera conocido a vosotros. OS QUIERO MUCHO Y QUE DIOS OS BENDIGA
Well! I'm writing quite a bit, hmmmm. Anyway, I just updated the entry page for my website....I have quite a bit of work to update the rest of it, but it's ok for now. I also have to update my Spanish pages, since they are soooo out of date.
I have to go to FHE in about an hour. I don't really feel like it, I don't know why. I want to see my friends, but at the same time I don't feel like dealing w/ ppl and having to find something to wear and all that junk. I'm so self-conscious, and I really have to do something to change that. I don't know what my problem is!
I have to go to FHE in about an hour. I don't really feel like it, I don't know why. I want to see my friends, but at the same time I don't feel like dealing w/ ppl and having to find something to wear and all that junk. I'm so self-conscious, and I really have to do something to change that. I don't know what my problem is!
Dang it! I lost it again! Ok, now I'm getting tired of this. Well, to recap - 1) It's Mon morning, I'm at work, my boss isn't here, I don't have anything to do, I'm tired as heck, I want to go home, I have to stop these late night moviethons and talkathons....my legs still hurt from dancing on Fri!
I also was saying that I have to be careful what I say here. I know already I start thinking about it like a diary, but since I've given access to the public I kind of have to be careful what exactly I say, if I don't want anyone to know! ;)
One word of advice....ow, don't drink Coke in the morning! Especially on an empty stomach...unless you want a stomache all day.
I also was saying that I have to be careful what I say here. I know already I start thinking about it like a diary, but since I've given access to the public I kind of have to be careful what exactly I say, if I don't want anyone to know! ;)
One word of advice....ow, don't drink Coke in the morning! Especially on an empty stomach...unless you want a stomache all day.
Jul 16, 2000
Ok. So I have a stalker. Me or my sister, or Tara, anyway. For the past 3 weeks someone has been calling and hanging up. He (or she) used to do it just a few times a day, but now this guy is calling every hour. He started doing it on Sundays, too....and it cannot be a telemarketer. He listens to what we have to say and then hangs up. Talk about psycho! Anyway....I think we're going to get "Privacy Manager" put on our phone. We'll see if THAT takes care of him.
It's mid July!!!! Summer is almost over! In a way I'm glad (school means more money and more social life) but in a way I'm not (I'll miss OLVIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
A ver si este nos deja escribir con letras acentuadas. Olvia...¿Me lees? Tu tendrás que añadir algo a mi weblog de vez en cuando, chiquita banana........Quizas la letra de "The Belly Button Song". Jaja.....
It's mid July!!!! Summer is almost over! In a way I'm glad (school means more money and more social life) but in a way I'm not (I'll miss OLVIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
A ver si este nos deja escribir con letras acentuadas. Olvia...¿Me lees? Tu tendrás que añadir algo a mi weblog de vez en cuando, chiquita banana........Quizas la letra de "The Belly Button Song". Jaja.....
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