Aug 27, 2000

Ok I don't care anymore! How many people really read this thing, anyway? It's more a semi-public journal than anything. I've never been a private person - I could care less if anyone even DID get a hold of my diaries and read them.

So why do I have such a problem sharing how I feel lately? I used to be the worst - just ask Jaime. I would share TOO much. But now I just do what I can, send "hints" and expect certain ppl (particularly men) to understand the underlying meaning in what I say. Come on, Michelle - you know better than that!

So anyway, we'll call him Adam (obviously NOT his real name). I haven't felt this way in years. The last time was with Miguel...and, well, I'm still afraid of being hurt. Can I possibly put myself out there again? Just by sharing my feelings scares me to death.

Adam is the most awesome guy. Ok, maybe by just saying THAT I'm giving it away - although it sounds generalized - he'd read it and understand exactly WHO I was talking about. But he IS. I've never met someone so, I mean, WOW. And I'm not even talking about how good-looking he is. And how sweet he is. And how respectful he is. And how smart, how talented, how humble, how he makes me's how he makes me feel about myself. Just his friendship is more than enough - he amazes me and makes me feel like the worthy Daughter of God that I know deep down I must be, but that knowledge slipped away from me years ago in a time of pain. I'm trying to regain it.

I have known few people who have souls (spirits) that have truly been extraordinary. And I mean WOW - he is exactly that. I noticed it in Miguel...but Miguel, as much as I care for him, doesn't want to see that greatness in himself. Miguel has so much potential that he refuses to reach...but Adam, well, Adam already has reached a part of his greatness, and he knows who he is. He's assured in his self-worth, and wants to do God's will. To me, this is one of the most attractive things about him, about any man. If any man ever wants to know the way to my heart, it is this: please feed your spirits. Reach out for greatness - understand your potential and your great worth. You are Sons of God. Magnify your callings here in Earth - serve others, love others, and be humble. And most of all, be willing to help me realize this myself.

To me, THAT makes a man.

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