Oct 8, 2002

My "new" favorite quote: "There are very few personal problems that can't be fixed by an adequate amount of high explosives. "--- anonymous

Ok, so I really overreacted yesterday. It happens once in awhile. I'm only human. And unfortunately I'm a human who may be a little too open and honest, and a little too passionate about things. Yeah, I wear my heart on my sleeve, even though I'm smart enough to know better! But what's a spaz-queen supposed to do other than continually work to improve upon herself?

I really do understand things, and get little nuances, but most of the time I choose to ignore them. It's not that I'm stupid and don't recognize them - but I have found that it's better to ignore them because if I really took into consideration and analyzed every little thing, I'd go nuts and drive the people around me nuts. But hey, I've gotten better.

Today is a glorious day. I went to bed at 9 and I actually should do that more often. I woke up at 6:15 and felt good. I enjoyed the walk from my car to the office - I love these crisp, cold autumn mornings. I contemplated how I reacted yesterday to various people and feel shameful (well, except about my so-called Spanish friend...he deserved to be told exactly what he was told. He has to grow up and stop using me as his scapegoat, expecting every time that I allow him to do so just because I don't want him to get mad at me). I'm a patient person; it took me 7 years to finally decide what was worth it; feeding his ego or doing what was the healthiest for ME for once, and tell him exactly what he has done to me and made me feel like all these years. But in regards to other people, well, I offer my sincerest apologies. My emotions concerning my so-called friend mixed with the uncertainty that's going on with my job, well, it went over the line, and my sanity plummeted for a little bit. These things happen. And while I feel really bad about overreacting, or spazing out, I don't want to keep hitting myself on the head and worrying about it too much. It was just unfortunate timing, that's all. Yeah, this happens to me sometimes, and I don't want to hide it, but that doesn't mean I am not trying my damndest to work on it.

Anyway, today is a new day and I'm going to pretend yesterday didn't happen, and I hope everyone else who had to deal with me yesterday can overlook the unfortunate circumstances they may have found themselves to be in because of me. Today I have a clean slate and a fresh start, and I'm determined to make it the best day of my life so far. Attitude is the key:)

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