Dec 18, 2003

Oh you realize how much I love you? I know we both feel like we can't say it enough...and that words are so inadequate in expressing the deep and abiding love we have for each other. Jeremy, I am so glad we were able to meet the way we be able to fall in love with each other without going through the 'infatuation' phase that so often accompanies traditional courtship, due to the physical proximity and inability to get enough of each other in that sense. But with us, since we have gotten to know each other in such a unique and special get to know each other from recognize how our spirits 'click', to talk for hours on end and discover each other's personalities, fears, dreams, goals, accomplishments...yet remarkably still have such a strong physical attraction for one is simply amazing.

I never was one to really believe in fate or in that 'one' soulmate. I've always believed that there are certain individuals in this life that have a connection (for lack of better terminology) on such a different level that they are able to recognize it and become so emotionally and spiritually close that many people are unable to understand exactly what that entails. However, I do, to a certain degree, believe in predetermination...and I believe...rather...I know that we knew each other in the pre-existence. I know that Heavenly Father has decided it so very important that we be united together in eternal matrimony, that he didn't merely watch us and say "well you two would be a good match." our case, he prepared us so meticulously...and I believe every single trial we have endured as individuals...every person we have loved...every time our hearts have been broken and we have been humbled before the Lord...all of this lead to being ready for each other. I know there are other reasons for the trials and the experiences that happen in learn and gain exhaltation...and to literally become as God. Yet through divine inspiration our Heavenly Father said, "Man is not meant to be alone." He planned it this way for a reason and a very sacred purpose! By our union, we will begin that road as one..united in purpose and faith. He knew we could only do so much as individuals, and prepared us for the time where we could no longer progress further in our lives without the other. I truly believe fact I know it.

Oh Jeremy...I have said it before, but I will say it again. You really are my miracle. I never thought I would be able to completely let go of my past...of the painful unrequitted love I endured...and I was so worried I would not be able to give completely of myself to another man. I was so afraid I would not be able to love as much as I had. When I began to have an inkling about us...when the still small voice whispered peace to my heart and prompted me to even contemplate it...I was so afraid because I knew that when I fell in love, I had to be able to give 100%. And Jeremy...oh really is a miracle. You really are. You have given me what I have ached for...for so many years. I have wanted someone to love me as much as I was able to love. I knew I was capable of true unconditional love...but I had never been loved back as such. And your love for me seems to surpass my greatest dreams of what it could be! You are the man...the only man who could give this to me, and I love you so much for it. I cherish you. I am inspired and humbled by you. I am surprised by my openness with share everything about me with you. I've always considered myself an open person, but even those few things...the things every person has...the sins they have committed, the shame they feel for those past transgressions...I have been able to share those with you, and you are the first person to know of them. Yet you still love me!

I know I sound mushy and hopelessly lost...and many people might look at us and think "gee, that's not going to last." But they are so wrong. I know it, and you know it...and we know it because our Father in Heaven has told us. We know it won't be easy. We know we have many difficult trials and challenges ahead of us. We have been told this. But our love for God and our willingness to put Him first will be the vital ingredient in making our marriage last for eternity. Since we love Him so much, and are willing to sacrifice and obey His Will...we will make it.

Jeremy, I never thought I'd turn into such a sap, but I love you. Oh how I love you!

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