Feb 18, 2004

I am feeling very jittery. It's hard to concentrate on anything at work (besides, they haven't given me anything to do for the past week and so I have too much time to think). I am surprised that my faith has been pretty solid the past two days; but I refuse to let the Adversary scare me with doubts. I know I am doing the right thing, and it is sooooo hard, and it is so very difficult keeping my heart from literally weighing me down, but the faith and the hope is there.

I am not wanting to go to Chicago tomorrow evening to the Enrique Iglesias concert. My friend bought us tickets like three months ago, and I know I should go and just get my mind off things, but it means getting home late on Thursday night and then coming into work on Fri. I'm not looking forward to another weekend where I have too much time on my hands to think. I need to do something. Maybe I can start work on finding families for these exchange students.

On a more spiritual note..

"The study of the doctrines of the gospel will improve behavior quicker than talking about behavior. "
—President Boyd K. Packer

I love going to lds.org and reading the quotes. Wow, this is so true. I have noticed a complete 180 degree change in my own behavior since I have been studying the doctrines of the gospel. I've also made such dramatic changes since my break-up with Jeremy. I didn't believe I was capable of learning and changing so quickly -- usually it's a long process! I mean, I still have to apply all that I have learned, and that is always a process, and I have to remember it too -- but I just thought it would take more time to learn it than it did.

I love how the Lord enlightens our minds when we truly ask for His help. I love how the Lord teaches us correct principles through trials and adversity, but also through scripture study and earnest fast and prayer.

I love faith. It is a hard thing to possess sometimes, but what a priceless gift it is! It truly can support you through any trial! I love hope, and knowing that God's promises are sure. I love humility, and learning that the Lord can use us to help each other. I love charity, and knowing that by exercising it, one truly gains a testimony on love and learns how to gain unconditional love.

I love knowing that the Lord loves me, and just as I have faith in him, he has faith in me! He has asked me to endure a very challenging trial, the most challenging I have had to deal with yet, but He has meticulously prepared me so that I would be victorious. Somehow, this knowledge brings a strange peace to my soul, and it makes this trial seem easier than it was the first time I went through it. I know I'm the only person in the world who can accomplish what the Lord has asked me to do, and I know I will succeed. I have a greater desire to follow the commandments of God, and a greater desire to truly love unconditionally. I am grateful for the Lord's wisdom and for the way He has dealt with me; and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the promises he has made to me are true.

In shallah, yol bolsun. To eternal increase.

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