Ok, I have been doing a really good job at being upbeat despite everything, but I just can't help it today. I am so down. I went in early this morning to get two estimates done on my car, and of course the cheaper one (at $1350) doesn't include a free loaner car, and of course that is the one that my insurance company will go with. So that means I'm out of pocket $250 plus about $100 for a three-day loaner.

I guess it's just that on top of everything else that is bringing me down. I am missing Jeremy a lot right now, and I just don't understand how he shut off his emotions so quickly. That really hurts. He thinks it was just infatuation, but I know that is not the case. I understand that perhaps he doesn't understand exactly what love is, but I know he loved me. That's why it hurts so much. With Reid it was easier, because he didn't love me, and I didn't love him. But Jeremy did, and I do. He bore his testimony of it. So did I. This is how I know.

I know I'll bounce right back up again, and I know I have to, but it's so hard sometimes. I just wish I could get some good news for once...this month has been really difficult and although I have made amazing breakthroughs, I guess it's all suddenly weighing me down and unfortunately I'm allowing it to.

Well, I'll keep praying for strength and keep reminding myself of all the things I'm grateful for. It has helped me to this point. I know I can't rely on external things/conditions or people to make me happy -- that comes from within, and from my knowledge of the Savior. But some added joyful "bonuses" sure wouldn't hurt.