Mar 26, 2004

I am so seriously concerned about my friend whose going through a divorce. She cries every morning; and while I understand that, and I understand the pain, more than she knows I do, (plus, I'm a big crier myself), I just wish she would go the right direction. This trial is going to make her or break her. While she nods in understanding when I tell her that the Lord must think so much of her, because he won't give us anything we can't handle, and by saying she can't make it, she is in essence saying she knows more than God, I don't think she really gets it. I know I can't make her get it -- but all I can do is be there for her and try.

But it turns out she thinks she is in love with this "friend". This is so dangerous. I'm not saying she isn't in love with him, but jumping into one relationship right at the end of another (and technically, she isn't even at the end because she still says she loves her husband) is just unhealthy. Not only is it unethical, and it will give her husband reason to go through with his threat, and cost her her membership in the church, but she seriously gets all her self worth from being in a relationship with a man. She is too afraid to be on her own, and develop herself as an individual. When Laurie and I, and everyone else try to talk to her and tell her she needs this time to heal and to learn about herself and grow as a person, she refuses to listen. I tell her something better is on the horizon for her, if she would only heed to the Lord's promptings and obey his commandments. Ok, easier said than done; I know I didn't get it despite how many times people told me the same thing, I didn't get it until I wanted to get it. I know I am guilty of the same thing in a way; while I have had plenty of time to develop myself as an individual and I've only had one real relationship in the past 8 years, and a short one at that, I know that I depended entirely too much on Jeremy to support me emotionally. I guess I was tired of doing it myself. BIG MISTAKE! I prided myself in being so independent, yet I failed when it came down to it. While I know better now and finally understand, I just wish I would have gotten it then.

But anyway, so I understand a little her need, yet I know that my self-worth does NOT come from a man, it does NOT come from being in a relationship; it comes from within and knowing that I am a daughter of God. I am his, and he loves me. Single or married, divorced, doesn't matter. But it matters entirely too much to my friend, and I see this as such a growth opportunity and I'm guessing that this is one reason the Lord feels she needs to go through this, but she doesn't see it that way. And she is bitter now; she says she doesn't care if her children are born in the covenant; or if she marries outside the church. She says she did it once, and look what happened. Look where it got her. I couldn't help but get a little exasperated, and I pointed out that there are more than two men on the entire earth. You know, I hate to say it, but sometimes love just isn't enough. I have known this my whole life, and while I believe it SHOULD be enough, if both people aren't willing to work and sacrifice for the greater good, then it simply isn't enough. Her husband is proof of that. As for her friend, well he seems a nice enough guy, but he cannot offer her anything more than her husband can. In fact, he is unemployed and bitter from his own divorce. Do we see a pattern here?

Ok, I'm making judgements and I shouldn't be doing that. I'm sorry. But I am just so worried. I hate not being able to help her more than by being a support and encouraging her to trust in the Lord, and to read her scriptures. I love her dearly, and it breaks my heart to see her suffering so. I know that if she would just make the decision, some of the pain would significantly lessen, if she would only accept the peace that her savior offers her. Ok I know that sounds like B.S., especially to those of you who do not believe in a higher being, or aren't that religious, but it is so true. I guess I never entirely believed it either until I went through what I've been through this past month and a half. But rather than being angry at your situation and blaming the Lord or anyone else for it; it is far better to be patient and peaceful and try to learn and appreciate the trial you are going through. It really helps a LOT. More than a LOT. It has changed me in a way I have never experienced before. I have grown so much more in the past month and a half than I had in my entire lifetime. I just want this for my friend; I want her to feel that peace. No, it isn't constant, it's not a guarantee against pain; I still feel sorrow and heartache and sometimes even despair, but the negative emotions are so much less than the positive ones.

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