I slept through my alarm this morning. I just woke up and turned it off. I then had a nightmare where I was at church...in the midst of all these people and families, and I was alone. I had no family, and the pain that racked my heart was unbearable. I was grateful to wake up, but then I realized I had missed sacrament. I called my mother because I wanted to talk to family and be reminded that I am loved and I do have such great blessings in my life. Then I decided to go to lds.org and listen to the CES Broadcast from last week.
Sister Bonnie D. Parkin gave the talk, and it is marvelous. I feel as though she is speaking right to me. She spoke on the importance of recognizing who we are and our divine birthright. The most poignant part, I believe, was when she likened each of us to Moses. Moses did some terrible things in his past until he realized who he really was. Through a mighty change in heart, he eventually became a prophet who lead his people out of bondage, away from the family where he had grown up. When Moses went to the mountain to speak with God, he was told outright he was a Son of God, and that God had a special mission for him to fulfill. He was likened unto His Only Begotten.
As soon as God's presence left him, and Moses regained his strength, Satan immediately came to tempt him. Oh sometimes Satan is so obvious, isn't he? And what does Satan do? He immediately goes for the jugular. He says, "Moses, Son of Man, worship me!". He tells Moses, basically, that he isn't a son of God, he does not have a divine birthright. He is simply a man.
Moses was smart, though. While he recognized his nothingness before God, he also recognized that he was a child of God...he was the literal son of our Father in Heaven. By knowing who he was, he was able to resist Satan and recognize his lack of glory and his darkness, and he commanded him "Get thee hence, Satan!" and therefore was able to eventually fulfill his foreordained mission.
My mother taught me as a young child those powerful words. I have used them at least half a dozen times on a daily basis over the past month. "Get thee hence, Satan! In the name of Christ, my Savior, I command thee to depart!". I'm grateful for Moses' example and for this knowledge, because it enables me to overcome that darkness and despair, and welcome peace and love back into my heart. This will enable me, too, to fulfill my own foreordained mission.
To listen to this talk in its entirety, I highly suggest going here: CES Fireside. What strength I gain from listening to these firesides and listening to our prophets. I am looking forward to General Conference next month and gaining more insight and strength from them.
Continuing from my post last night (or early this morning), Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love Jeremy and always will. I know my mission and I know who I am. I know Jeremy and who he is, in fact, my ability to see in him what even he seems to not see in himself enables me to love him all the more. I'm not talking potential, I'm talking about who he already is, the divinity that lies within him. Even though it has been so difficult to get through these long days and sleepless nights, this knowledge comforts me. I have the Holy Spirit there to sustain me and strengthen me with the hope that Jeremy will listen to the Spirit and come to his senses. He at least knows that I love him, and I'm grateful to have the capacity to love as such, even if he doesn't return it (right now). I have hope that my love and patience with him will, at the very least, be an example to him of what love really is, and as he feels it and gains a clearer understanding of this precious gift, he will finally know what it is like to be loved unconditionally. I have had this blessing in my life -- I have a wonderful family. I can only hope to share that same joy with this man that I love just as whole-heartedly as if he were my family.