Mar 30, 2004

Today is my father's birthday. I wish he had a phone so that I could call him. I should have thought of sending a card earlier. Well, I can still send one - better late than never.

I am going to attend the Mac Design Conference and Expo in Chicago June 1-4. My manager said go ahead, so this will be an exciting and unique opportunity to learn more about design techniques using well-known software such as Adobe Photoshop, and also to be with a bunch of die-hard Mac aficionados. Man of the great leaders in the industry of design will be there.'s 4 days of checking out cool stuff and going to workshops, and being somewhere else other than Madison. It should be cool, even though a bit lonely. But if I can force myself out of my shell, I should meet some new and fascinating people.

I had a difficult moment this morning. My phone at work alerted me that I had a new message. I typed in the passcode and listened; it turned out there was an old message from way back in January. It was Jeremy. I haven't heard his voice in almost two months, so that was pretty difficult to hear. However, I just smiled softly at recalling the few, but precious, memories. I was so happy then!

Well, enough of that. There I go again *sigh*. Anyway, life goes on. I really wish I could serve a mission, or at least do something, for the Lord right now. I'm doing what I can with where I am and what I have. I'm doing my best to be of service to others. It has helped, but I still feel so out of sorts. It is the "accepting the things you cannot change" part of the serenity prayer that I still need to work on. I have the desire and the knowledge and the patience that I gained from this trial, but I needed it before this trial started in order to prevent it from happening in the first place! I still have a hard time forgiving myself for being so clueless, even though I know that I didn't know better, and therefore the Lord doesn't hold it against me. But why, oh why couldn't I have known then what I know now?

Well, when it comes down to it, I don't regret the learning experiences that have come from all of this. I know it had to happen this way, and I know there was no other way I would go through the learning process that I have without experiencing what I did. But somehow I really feel that this was all just a consequence of actions that have been going on since the beginning (that is, "The Beginning", as referred to in the book of Abraham). I believe all of our lives are filled with a few (or more) life-altering experiences such as this; but the tremendous gift of knowledge and of understanding does not come at a small price. There was reason for it all.

Maybe I just think too much, lol. Well, there is always room for improvement.

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