Mar 9, 2004

You know, I would have liked to have taken the tour of Camp LeJeune when I was there. It's really too bad, because it has a lot of historical sites that I would have liked to see. Unfortunately for me, though, I was told rather roughly that I would not be allowed to come onto base. That really hurt. I guess he's lucky that I'm not a rebellious woman and I, at least, will do as requested.

Anyway, I ended up taking the internet tour instead. It just made me wish I could have done it in person, though. Well maybe someday I will go back. I did really like Jacksonville (and no, not just because it's swarming with good-looking young Marines, although that didn't hurt ;). The area has a lot of history. I would have liked to explore Wilmington more too -- they have some beautiful gardens, or so I hear. Plus being able to explore the coast more would have been nice.

You know, I can't help it; I feel the same way I did last year at this time when the war was going on. I cannot believe how I am attracted to military men. I saw one in cammies in Wal-mart a few days ago, and even though he was older, I just couldn't stop looking at him. I just sighed wistfully. What is it with me? I used to avoid them like the plague. I was always told not to trust them. But it's not because they are strong or that they know what they are doing; in fact, too many of them are too calloused, rough around the edges, unemotional, you know....but it's their willingness to serve our country. It's their courage and bravado. It's the way I feel protected when I'm around them. It's knowing that they are standing for something, and they are willing to die for that something.

I want my husband to be like that. He will protect me and our family. He has been there, and will already be prepared for what the future holds. I know that my family will play an integral part in the Army of God. I know that my husband will have to teach me what he knows, so that I can be able to protect my children as well. This is why I want to get into shape, and prepare, prepare, prepare. I understand the difficulties that will lie ahead, and I want to be more than ready.

However, my husband cannot be afraid to love or be loved. He is not afraid to show emotion when he should. He is extremely above average intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally. He understands himself well and his nothingness before the Lord, but also understands the divinity and power that lies within him, and is able to forgive himself and also others. He has been in the depths of despair, has felt sorrow and shame, and has risen above it. He is willing to triumph over evil...and despite his weaknesses, is still determined to conquer them. Whether he does or does not in this life isn't what's important; what's important is the determination and perseverence. He does not run from adversity; he sticks through it. He will always be there for me as I will for him, come what may. I know what the future holds, to a point, and I know the necessity of this trait. The Adversary will constantly be on my back and will always try to influence me, my husband, and our children. The only way we will be able to be victorious over him is to have unconditional love for each other and a willingness to love even when love seems to have run cold. We are told in the scriptures that the hearts of men in the last days will turn cold. We know this is happening. However, I cannot allow it to in my family. That is the only way my family will survive and be able to feel the love of God continually. The only way.

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