This waking up in the middle of the night is becoming a regular thing, and I wish it wouldn't. I think I'm beginning to forget what it feels like to sleep through an entire night.
Last night I finally decided to share with my sister what had happened with Jeremy and I. She knew we had broken up, of course, and what I had told her at the time was that it was because I was smothering him and was too demanding. But I didn't offer more than that.
My sister is not an emotional woman. I love having her around and hanging out with her, but she gets queasy around all things emotional. I joke with her that she's "Just like a man" in that sense. I usually fear, though, that she would not understand. She is fiercely independent, much more so than I, because she is emotionally independent as well (although I'm getting there). She is the type that usually has guys wondering why she doesn't return their phone calls, not vice versa. We are quite a pair, my sister and I. So much alike in so many aspects, yet so different in others.
But anyway, it is hard to share with her anything that has to do with my emotions or spiritual promises, for that matter. She usually just rolls her eyes and tells me to get over it; to stop being so emotional, and what did I expect? But this time she reacted differently.
I was stunned when she told me tonight that I have dealt amazingly well with this whole ordeal. She recognized how difficult it must be for me. She didn't go into further details, but that was more than enough. It warmed my heart considerably, because my sister is always the first one to tell me to stop being a baby and so emotional. But she seemed to have been impressed with the maturity in which I have handled this entire trial, and has noticed a change in me.
This confirms to me that I have indeed started to apply that which I am learning. It helps to lessen my fear of "reverting" by telling me that, yes, this change is becoming permanent. I am by no means no less emotional than before, but I have found a way to internally deal with those emotions in a more positive and healthy manner, and this has now obviously been reflected in my external relationships.
I enjoyed watching "Brother Bear" with my sister and Cristina. After the movie itself we watched the commentary by the two moose, and I haven't laughed so hard in a long, long, time. It feels so good to smile and to laugh. It reminded me of the sweetness that life can offer, just as was mentioned in one of the sessions earlier this morning. It is the little things that become the most memorable and the most cherished.