Apr 21, 2004

Well, I went to the club again tonight:) I was still kind of sore from yesterday, but I pushed myself harder, until my hair was wet from sweat and my legs screamed for rest. Yeah, they hurt right now, but it feels so freaking good. I have that whole endorphin thing going on again :)

So I re-did my blog page today (obviously). I found a beautiful photo, manipulated it a bit, and used my new skills with css positioning and programming to create this page. Pretty nifty how it scrolls like that, huh?? I know, I know, I'm a web goddess ;)

But anyway, today was a pretty good day, for no special reason. I mean the weather sucked; the temperature dropped back down into the 40's, it rained all day and I had to walk back to my car with no umbrella...lol well I suppose I could have taken the bus but I haven't done that in ages, and anyway, what's a little rain going to do? I'm not a high maintenance chick, well at least not that way *wink*...yes, I love fashion, I like to look good, have my makeup on and all that, but I'll also pull my hair up in a ponytail, throw on some old jeans, leave the makeup at home and just get out there. Besides, I was just saying a few days ago how I need to spend more time outdoors, right?

You know how you feel when you have an epiphany? You suddenly realize something that just makes so much sense, you wonder how you could not have realized it earlier? Well I had one of those this weekend, and it became ever clearer today. I wouldn't say it was a 'moment', because it's obviously a learning process, but suddenly I just realized that things are turning out exactly how they should, and I'm doing the things and making the decisions that I should be. You know, with everything that happened between Jeremy and I, I sit here and look back and I really wish I could have just skipped over the feeling rejected, lost, and abandoned. I guess it's true what they say, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". But... my mother asked me today if I still felt rejected or hurt. I was surprised at myself, but I said "no". And it's true! How did it happen? Because I finally was able to get over myself and begin to understand the why. And because I'm able to better understand the why, the more empathy and kinship I feel towards Jeremy. He really is a wonderful man, even if he doesn't think he is. I admire him so very much - a reason I still consider him one of my best friends:)

I have to ask myself why I didn't just get this two months ago. Well, I don't know the answer to that, but at least I got something out of this time -- a whole new perspective on life, an appreciation for blessings, a better understanding on personal revelation and free agency, and a deeper love for Christ and His Atonement.

Yup, I'd call that an epiphany.

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