Apr 30, 2004

You know, I spent 8 years of my life loving Jaime. I do not regret it one bit. I did for awhile; I felt as if I had wasted that much time. But when is love a waste of time? Jaime was/is a good man. I will always love him in some way -- because he helped me discover who I was, to discover what it was to love and to be loved, and he was my best friend for a long time before we grew apart (due to actual distance). We are still friends, and I'm glad for that. He is more like a brother to me than anything. But no, I do not regret one bit of it.

Yet, I thought I knew the capacity of love. I loved him so very much, with all the energy of my soul and heart. But little did I know that I had the capacity to love even more. When I fell in love with Jeremy, I realized my capacity to give, and feel, a profound celestial love. This was something I couldn't experience with Jaime.

Despite the ending of our romantic relationship, I am grateful for that experience. I'm grateful to know now what a celestial love can offer me. Why would I want anything less than that? I can't believe at one point in my life I was willing to accept less than that -- that I was willing to even marry outside the temple. What a fool I was!

But now I know better. Now I know what it feels to truly love with every fiber of your being, to have that love approved by a loving Father in Heaven, and to gain a glimpse of eternity. Jeremy may or may not have loved me, but at the very least, I know now that my capacity to love on all levels, be it friendship, family, romantic...my capacity is truly limitless. I know I am very unique in this aspect, however, just being given the opportunity to fully love as I am capable of doing is where the true blessings and eternal glory lie. It's in the giving, not in the receiving.

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