May 19, 2004

Well, I will admit that this week has been much better. A considerable load has been lifted off my shoulders, and the beginning of a new friendship with Jeremy (or Brock, as I should call him) began. We both decided it was wise to move slowly, so that we don't hurt each other. I know I am a little apprehensive, but after some considerable prayer and inspiration, I realized that he never had wanted to hurt me; rather, there was much that I didn't know (although I had guessed intuitively what as going on, but I wasn't sure if it was true until he wrote those words). Our past is unique, I will say that...we went through a very difficult period. I know we have both learned from it, and to feel the Spirit again, concerning our friendship, and knowing that despite how difficult it may be for me (and probably for him too) it is what is supposed to happen.

I will say this again, I am so proud of his decision and his desire to serve the Lord. Oh how I wish I could do it too! I know he has always had this desire, and despite how painful it was, I am glad that my unconscious manipulation tactics didn't convince him to abandon the idea. I am glad he remained steadfast. Now I know how he feels. I have changed so dramatically in this department. I always loved the missionaries, but I always looked at them and asked myself how they could do it. I guess I wasn't truly converted.

But now I am! Now I understand! The is so wonderful! Everyone should hear it! I really wish I could share it, and have a companion to share it with who felt just as I do about this work!

Well, there goes my enthusiasm again:) Kim, our Relief Society president, was in the parking lot when I got to my car yesterday. She took me aside and told me that she heard from several people that my Sunday School class was really awesome. I know I heard this from a few after the class, but I just thought they were token compliments. Mormons tend to be over-complimentary, so I take what most of them say with a grain of salt. But if they mentioned it to others, without me being present, well that's another thing entirely.

I'm very happy to hear this! I was very nervous, and my lack of eloquence really bothers me. If I could sit there and read from a script I would have no problems. But, this is an excellent opportunity to work on it. And, what is more important; that I be eloquent, or that I teach with the Spirit? Definitely the latter; and I'm grateful that I had the Spirit for my first class. I am sure He will accompany me in subsequent classes.

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