Jan 24, 2005


Sunday is opera day :) I am sooo looking forward to seeing Phantom. It's the last night, too. Hmmm I don't remember which show we're going to but I know it's not the last show...we are going to the 2pm show :) But anyway, being able to see it from four rows away will be soo amazing:)

I've specifically not gone to see the movie yet as to make this an unforgettable experience. I'll go see it after Sunday, though!

I'm hoping now that we have this new Overture center, other shows, such as Les Mis will come through as well. I still have a dream of seeing Phantom of the Opera on Broadway, but who knows how long it will be there? Les Mis just ended last year, and I'll never see that one on Broadway.

But anyway..

I'm finding myself interested in Biblical Archaeology. Actually, I should say scriptural, because Book of Mormon archaelogy is fascinating to me too, and that's a heck of a lot closer than the middle east. I by no means need any physical proof to validate the scriptures -- I already have a firm, unwavering testimony of all the scriptures and their truths...but I just find it fascinating the idea of learning about artifacts that actually came from that time. It's reminding me of my anthropology courses at BYU..and again why I was fascinated. I have so many vast interests that it's easy to see why I had such a difficult time choosing a major, LOL. On the plus side, I have taken classes is a variety of subjects, but on the negative side, I'm not as "specialized" as I could be. Well, if you need a specialist in Iberian and Latin American history, culture and language, than I am pretty good (although with a Master's or phD I'd be better) but there is not much use for the knowledge that I have gained from my studies. Then again, I'm also a skilled specialist in e-Learning web development and design, but again, that's not what I want to be doing.

So I'm still trying to figure all that out. I'm supposed to teach -- yes, this has become quite obvious. But what??? What am I supposed to teach?? I have to know that before I know my next course of action.

But since I don't know yet, I've actually been thinking of moving out west to yes.. GASP....Utah. I don't know, but I need somewhere metropolitan. Yet part of me keeps thinking maybe I should be getting a degree and working for the Church Education System. I know that the jobs are extremely competitive...there are usually there are 250 applicants for each position...but that seems to be where my passion and my skills are -- in teaching religion. But then maybe I should get my doctorate in Theology and perhaps teach courses on Mormonism or Mormon history in secular universities?? I still don't know what God has in store for me. I don't know how I could possibly afford to go back to school, either...even if I had a fellowship, because I still have to work. But I know that miracles happen, and that through God, anything is possible. The fact that I have learned so much about the Atonement and have accepted the idea, and even somewhat embraced it...of moving back to Utah...well, that is so UNLIKE me it isn't even funny. But I truly want to do the will of my Father in Heaven, and I know that my desires will follow that path the more I listen to Him.

I still feel very stuck and very stagnant in my life, and I know come May I have no idea what to do. I will have to move out of here, there is no question about it...but to where? Another place here in Madison? Or an entirely different city...or state...altogether?

Part of me also wishes I had the time and the money to go to Indonesia to help the victims of the Tsunami. I guess they have a lot of money and donations flowing in, but not enough relief workers! How I'd love to go on my own "humanitarian" mission and help! I really want to make a difference in this world in some way.

I was told last February in blessings (Feb 9 and again the morning of the 10th, ironically) that I still had some things to do here in Madison. I think part of that, if not all of it, was becoming the gospel doctrine teacher. Has this been fulfilled yet? I do not know. I think things will start changing for me soon...well I pray they do. But the changes I would like to make to my life...number one to be a mother...well, I can't do anything about that. There are just some choices in life that cannot be made by only one person. And there is nothing I can do to change that. But I do have faith in Heavenly Father that He has a plan for me. I know that despite my sometimes lack of faith and my inability to understand why He has told me the things He has, that God does know me better than I know myself, and He has given me peace, strength, and resilience. He has made sure that I have learned so much in this past year, and even from my gravest mistakes. And for those, and for the painful experiences, I am grateful. I don't know why just yet, but I know that I am so very much closer to becoming the woman that God means me to be.

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