Well, I've applied to several jobs all over the country over the past few weeks. Well, almost everywhere except Madison, that is. I still wish there was some way I could go back to school, but while I sit here trying to figure out what I want to teach, how I'm going to do it, and where the Lord wants me to go, the only thing I can think of is starting with relocation.
I need to start fresh somewhere else. Make new friends (although of course keep the old ones) - work somewhere where I am treated fairly, and be somewhere where I can make a difference.
I have grown accustomed to being so self-absorbed (mind you, not selfish, but so wrapped up in my own problems that I haven't taken enough time to help others) that the only thing I can think of to break that mindset is fear.
And, mind you, I'm scared to death thinking about where I'm headed next. Because I honestly do not know.
But I have to accept that I am on my own now. My sister is moving on with her life, getting married...just like everyone else in my family. So, it's time to move on.
On a lighter note, I went skiing last Saturday with my family. Laurie helped Aaron (he has only been skiing once) while I tried to get used to my new skis and boots. Soon enough I found out it wasn't that that was causing flames of pain to run up and down my legs; rather, it was my muscles! They had gotten so lax over the years! It used to not hurt a bit to go skiing, but alas, I had forgotten what strong legs you need to be able to do it; ESPECIALLY to slalom and snowplow. It doesn't take much to bomb the hill (except it might cost you an arm or a leg when you finally get to the bottom) but to ski correctly, well, it takes A LOT! After the first time up and down, I was crying in pain. All I wanted was to go home. I thought, who cares that I just bought a whole new ski set! But then that fierce determination rose within me. Gosh, I was going to beat this. I have been working out. Ok, these were different muscles, but I wasn't just going to give in and stop doing something I love to do (and am good at doing!). I had to go slow, and take breaks between each run. But near the end I was doing fine, and my muscles, while still burning, were getting used to it again.
I'm glad I pushed myself. I was surprised I didn't even feel any consequences the next day. But if I had just given up, after that one try, I don't know if I would have ever gone skiing again. But I didn't give up, and while my legs weren't exactly happy with that decision, I am. It's proof to myself that I can truly suceed at anything.