Feb 10, 2005

My heart is full

I am so overwhelmed with gratitude and love right now. I am just so utterly grateful for the miracles in my life. I don't know why I was so fortunate as to be born into the family I have; and to have a mother who recognized the strong love of her Savior and the truth in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I can't even express how blessed I feel to know that I was raised correctly; being taught right from wrong; being reminded of how much my Elder Brother loved me, and having a mother and aunts and an uncle who encouraged my spiritual and emotional development with such amazing aptitude and love.

I just can't express what love fills my heart right now. Having been raised with the truth right there, in front of me; knowing that it was up to me to study and pray about the things I learned in Sunday school and the words I read in my scriptures...well, so few people get the opportunity to do so! So few people even realize they can speak to God themselves and get answers themselves! How grateful I am that I have been blessed with this knowledge since I was a very young girl, just out of her infancy.

How grateful I am and how blessed I feel to know that there is a true and living Prophet on the earth today, whose direction and love only guides us towards good and pure discoveries, knowledge, and progress!

But oh how immense is my eternal gratitude for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I get so overwhelmed sometimes, thinking I will never, ever become a better person. Sometimes I just cringe at the thought of the stupid mistakes I've made and sins I have committed. But what a miracle repentance is! What sweet joy and peace it brings!

I have learned that one of the outcomes of true repentance is not only a desire and willingness to never commit the sin again, but also a gratitude for the sorrow, pain and grief that one goes through to come to that end. Even though I am not proud of the mistakes I have made over my lifetime, I am grateful for them. In this manner, I do not regret them. Yes, I regret doing them, but certainly not the process I went through to be absolved from them.

One of the greatest outcomes of all is that knowledge of the love that my Savior and my Father in Heaven have for me. That deeply personal, divine and sacred process only brought me closer to Them. Finally understanding that the Savior truly did understand me, and had gone through the same grief and sorrow that I have, only increased my desire to never do the same things again.

Why am I sharing something so personal on a website? Because I am not ashamed of who I am. I am not ashamed for being a human being who makes mistakes. And I don't have to be ashamed, because I know that I want to continually be a better person. I just want to share what a truly wonderful and miraculous process it is to repent and be forgiven. What healing, what peace and what joy comes from doing so!

I am so grateful for Jesus Christ and His ultimate, perfect sacrifice. How much He loves me! How much He loves each and everyone one of us! His Atonement is truly the greatest miracle of all.

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