I read something from a friend that made her question whether she was evil or not. She was feeling guilt and shame for some of the things she has done in her life, and because of those choices, she felt badly. She questioned "am I evil because I have done these things? But if I feel bad about it, doesn't that mean I'm not evil?"
She hit it right on the head. That is exactly it. The fact that she feels bad about ill-made decisions and that remorse overwhelms her is a good, healthy, wonderful thing. It may not feel like it, but it means you are still receptive to the gift that Christ has given to all mankind. The fact that you feel remorse and grieve means you have chosen to follow the path to God. It means you have allowed your conscience to guide you, and you have not let that light of Christ that we are all born with be buried underneath the lies and deceptions of the world. You feel remorse because that is part of the great Plan of our Father in Heaven! It means that you can progress..it means that you can learn...it means that you can repent and feel the joy that comes from doing so!
Evil people feel no remorse. Evil people have lost almost every last bit of their conscience. Whatever is left they simply ignore. For example, take a look at the serial rapists, sexual predators and serial killers in our society. When you see them on TV, when you look into their eyes, you can see that everlasting destruction that they allowed to enter into their lives. They may use words and flattery to express remorse, but rarely do they even bother doing this. They do not feel it. Most of them have already sold their soul. And it all started because they felt victimized, they developed these characteristics through self-fulfilled prophecy, they all began with just a "little" pornography and just a "little" compromise, thinking it could never hurt them. But we all know and we have all read the studies of people like this. The vast majority of them started out small. But their addictions rose to such a level that it desensitized them to that light of Christ and a complete apathy to the worth and value of the soul; both theirs and the souls of others. Instead, they view people as objects; when they hate, they try to destroy. When they lust, they fulfill that need in any way possible and do not care who they hurt. They are unable to even fathom what love truly is, and instead they believe that the power and pleasure that people can give them is what love is all about. Pure Christ-like love is completely foreign to them now. They do not care who they hurt; they feel above it all. They feel they are superior beings, more intelligent than the rest of us, and they look at humanity with scorn and distaste.
Dear friend, THAT is evil. You are no where near that; in fact you are on the opposite side of the spectrum. But we all must remain vigilant. We are all capable of becoming children of Lucifer just as we are all capable of being witnesses of Christ and recognizing the value within us. There is often a fine line between love and hate....but that fine line has captured many, many souls.
But do not worry. Your remorse is a blessing from Heaven. It is a guide to eternal progression:) You are on your way. You are doing well. And we love you for the person you are!!!! :)