Mar 14, 2005

He is no more

I think it is true; many people really want to be miserable. They take comfort in pitying themselves and in giving up. They'd rather follow the crowd and enter a world of self-destruction than to accept the one thing they craved with all their hearts but at the same time believed they would never deserve it.

We are commanded to love all men; and those who hold the priesthood are even more accountable for doing so. How someone who once had such a testimony can allow himself to sink so low as to hurt a daughter of God in such a way; to desire for her to be as miserable as he is; to deny that very gift that God had finally given him in answers to his prayers...well, it is unfathomable to me. But this is how it is. And I cannot change that.

I have never been treated or hated in such a fashion. But I have learned from it. I have learned that returning that sentiment, as much as my carnal nature so wants to would only cause me to fall into the same trap.

"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" - Matthew 5:44

Hatred, resentment and unforgiveness towards other people has NEVER led anyone to happiness or to satisfaction. I hate to say this, but that is the swiftest road to hell.

It is the antithesis of the Holy Priesthood and the antithesis of all that Christ has taught. Satan could not be happier.

At least I have been able to withstand the temptation to also fall in the same way. Nothing has been harder for me to do, nothing in my entire life...but the sweet peace that comes from loving someone who truly is dedicated to being my mortal enemy has only brought me closer to God.

All I can now is pray that I can finally be released from this. I did what I could. I know my Father in Heaven appreciates my efforts, as I have been told through a blessing just yesterday. But I am human too...and while I am able to withstand the horrors and hatred of the world better than many people, I also can only take so much.

It was against my better interests to try and help him. I did not want to do it. I wanted to save myself from the pain I knew he would inflict upon me.

But instead I chose to do what Heavenly Father asked. He didn't require it of me. He told me that I would never be denied the blessings promised to me if I could not find the strength to do this. But as I said a few days ago, I decided I could no longer let fear control me.

So knowing this would happen, I still did what I could. I did what all men are commanded to do.

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