Mar 16, 2005

Leave me alone!

My gosh, I thought this was over already!!!! Why can't you just leave me alone??? Haven't you done enough damage?? Do you honestly believe you aren't as guilty of the same thing you accuse me of? Do you REALLY want to know why I was still clinging to some stupid hope???

Take a look. This says it ALL.

So now what is the real question, Jeremy, or Brock, or whoever the hell you are? Can your bipolar personality come to terms with the truth?? You ask why I can't leave you the hell alone....but then can't I ask you the same thing?? Why can't you leave ME the hell alone? Why did you keep visiting me even when I would go months without even sending you an email, trying with all MY might to FORGET you and convince myself that I misinterpreted everything from day one?? You have to admit it; half of you hates me, and half of you is drawn to me. You have to be honest with yourself and ask what motivated you. If it wasn't a sadistic guilt trip, or a fascination with the "woman who I will wait the eternities for; yes if you marry another I will break his legs to prove to you that you are the one for me", or is it simply that you came back because I represent all that is good and just, and what is true??

If the latter is the answer, that is commendable. But even though you don't know what is true quite yet, you KNOW where to find it. You aren't sure, but something inside you tells you it is RIGHT HERE.

I hate to break it to you, but you are the one who is accountable for the entire year of "hell" that you have experienced. If you want to use ME and MY behavior as an excuse for the drastic lifestyle change you have made, and your leaving the church, then so be it. I'm not the one accountable and you know it.

According to your standards I am the "sick and twisted" one. Well if that is true, you will have to bear that label TOO.

Hmm. I wonder why neither of us could LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE!!! It doesn't take a nuclear scientist to figure THAT one out.

So no, don't you dare to believe your self-created hell is my fault. You say I haunt you from afar; that's only because you ALLOW me to by haunting ME. You got an email or two every two or three months, and mister, this last one was ONLY because I had heard you were having some difficulties and were making poor choices. But you have a tendency to push away the very people who love you, because you think their worrying for you is nothing but a way to control you and a way to justify their "beliefs". Well the truth is that we (your family, including ME) only wanted what was best for you. We've been down this road. We know doubt. We went through the hell that it takes to find the truth, and we FOUND it. Heaven forbid that we wanted to help prevent you from having to go through the same heartache. But at least you recognize that you can't live on borrowed light, and have to find the truth on your own. That is commendable and deserves respect.

As for writing your friends, well all I can say is that Marky Mark contacted me FIRST. He saw me in Mingle and said hi, remember me? I'm Jeremy's best bud. He is the one that automatically opened up to me and started talking.

So Jeremy, ask yourself just WHY you can't leave me alone, either!!

Make up your damn mind! If you hate me so damn much don't VISIT my website! Go away! I don't want to think about you anymore! I am weak, and I don't need you and your bipolar personality leading me on with any more false hopes!

But I've made up my mind. I have seen your true colors; I have seen both Brock and Jeremy, and frankly, like I said, Jeremy is dead. Brock took over, and I don't like him one bit. So whoever the hell it is who comes and visits me, Brock or what's left of Jeremy, stay the hell away, and tell the other one to do me the same favor.

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