Jun 19, 2005

Sometimes I think I hate men

...but then I realize I don't..I can't, really, there is just something about them that makes me tremble all over and realize that without them (well, ONE of them, anyway) I cannot fulfill my mission.

*Sigh*. Maybe trying to be just friends is not the ticket. But like I'm going to put myself out there and be frank with any of them...why should I ever admit if I actually like one or them? Or two of them? Or who knows..? Jeremy pretty much sucked up any bit of self-esteem I had..

Well ok that's not completely true. I'm downright arrogant in some respects (I know, I gotta work on it). But when it comes to feeling like I'm actually a prospect, more than just good-looking...that's when things turn to crap.

Grrr. Maybe the whole casual flirting thing isn't working out too well..

Well, then you meet someone like Ryan who will listen to you go on and on and still think you're fan-tabulous. People like him don't come around everyday. So why can't I have friendships/flirtations/relationships (or whatever you want to call whatever it is I'm looking for or having) with other men as well, who act like him? I'm not looking to get married right now, though I definitely want to and I am not against the idea. But...jeez...I want to marry my best friend. So what's with these guys who can't seem to develop an interest in me as a friend...as more than eye candy??

Not that I'm without guile. I've been a hypocrite. I've objectified a few of them. I really am not that kind of person, but sometimes someone comes around that just tickles your fancy, if you know what I mean. They are too delicious to keep yourself from letting your jaw drop open and start drooling. So you think, "gee, I wonder if there are brains and a gentlemanly manner along with that." Then either you find out that there isn't, or you find out that he's highly stuck on himself, or you find out that you're pretty much nothing to him, anyway.

*Sigh*. Jaime, I miss you. You were all that and a bag of chips. You should call more often :P

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